My Year of Change

2012, my year of change. 

I should have been careful what I wished for.  Good change, forward momentum, that sort.  Not world crashing down, deep purpled anger, life perspective twisting ugliness.  37 1/2 years of being able to find the good in most anything washed away in one weekend. 

I've held off writing because I had nothing good, nothing pretty,  nothing funny to say.  Who would want to read this morose, self serving crap?  Thus the new blog with the hope that I can write and perhaps get outside of myself, this circumstance.  For even a moment.

I'm being purposefully vague.  It doesn't matter really, does it?  I'm not yet ready to share with anyone what I consider a deep humiliation.  An accounting of self.  A verification of all the bad things I've ever felt, or said about myself.

My friend Amy says I should.  That it is not talked about outloud enough.  That people need to hear and that I would be a good messenger.  But at this point, I care too much about what everyone thinks.  I can only imagine the whispers.

Maybe in the future.

For now, hello.  Hello to a new day where I try to move forward.  I try to remember what I love about life.  About myself.